He's Home.

The last 3 weeks have been a whirlwind! Justin did an incredible job getting Mathias from Africa, he is the strongest man I know and he gets full credit for the "labor" of this child. The airport arrival was magical. With the rough time Justin and Mathias had during the 30+ hours of travel I decided to only allow family to come to the airport, Thank you all for understanding! 

I was so happy to have them home and be all together. That night we went home as a family of 4 and it was a great night, gave Mathias his first bath and got he and his brother in 

matching pj's from their Aunt Anna! 

All was cute and fun and good for about a day.

 Then we all realized oh hey, there is another toddler in this house and he doesn't understand us and big brother now gets to share everything including momma and daddy's attention and he's not quite cool with that, the house will never be clean again, parasites make diaper changes a fear factor audition for this potty trained spoiled house, this toddler doesn't know how to receive affection and is the polar opposite of everything we have learned with our bio child. 

Oh hey remember when people said adoption is hard. Yeah they meant that. ;)

Oh, we have learned so much in these last 3 weeks and I am sure the learning will never cease. I am so thankful for fellow adoptive mommas who have said " It is ok to feel like you make a huge mistake and you just want to run out the front door, you are not alone"

Trying to love a child that you just met as your own is one of the hardest things I have ever done. I am clinging to what God describes love to truly be and not how I feel about it or what the world tells me love is. 

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

-The Message-

I was talking to a friend today who was saying 

my honesty was scaring her from adoption a little bit, I told her this.

"There are days when I am actually thankful 
for this struggle because it is 

making me more like Christ, and that is what 
this life is for anyways, right?"

Mathias is precious. He is made in Gods image. 

I am praying daily to see more and more of who this little kiddo is, what he likes(bananas), what he doesn't(anything kitchen related and elevators), what makes him giggle (ticklish ankles), what makes him scowl (a lot of things). I can't wait to finally know him like a momma would know her son. 

I am committed to him and I hope he knows that Im not going anywhere.