Friday, February 1, 2013

Paper Pregnancy vs. Real Pregnancy

Real pregnancy for me was easy (at least compared to most horror stories I hear) my doctor even told me at my 6wk check up after delivery that I should consider being a surrogate since my body handled it so well. I'm not bragging, I give all credit to good genes. (Thanks Mom) I say this to say, I am not choosing to adopt because I cant have my own babies. Our reason to adopt comes from a totally different place. (Every reason to adopt a child into a loving home is a good one!)
I can remember when I first felt Micah moving inside my tummy. It was an overwhelming feeling, I loved knowing he was inside me and I could keep him safe and I could eat well and give him all the nutrition he needed. I could control (to an extent) almost everything about his life before he was born. I was a little nauseated the first trimester, I was exhausted the second, and had energy the third(and was also huge). Real pregnancy was textbook easy.

Paper pregnancy is hard. I find myself daydreaming a lot or laying awake in bed at night thinking of our little one that has no idea that he is soon to be an Evans, our son or daughter. He/She doesn't know how much we love them or that we are praying for them everyday. They are laying in an orphanage/care center, most likely sharing a crib with another baby. There little mind is trying to learn and grow all on its own. No mommy and daddy to tell them how special they are and to laugh at every new little trick they learn. No one to tell them that its not normal to have flies always flying around there perfect almond shaped eyes. No one hold their bottle for them, and to stare at them while they eat. No mommys heart beat or familar scent to calm them. They probably like most orphans rock themselves to sleep everynight or slowly bang their head on their crib to self soothe. They dont know that soon, Mommy & Daddy get to rock them to sleep. I lay in bed at night and unconsciously find my hands on my tummy as if they were inside, safe and warm. When I realize where my hands are I have started moving them to rest on my heart. Because that's really where this child is. I have chosen to trust God through this, I have nothing else. Every moment spent in worry is a moment not spent praising and thanking Jesus for all he's done.

Poor Micah has been inflicted with all my mommy emotion and even though he is a independent touch me not, I keep tackling him down to give him hugs and kisses, enough for him and his brother/sister.


  1. Thank you for sharing your heart. This grandma's heart is a little where you are. You are right, we must depend on GOD,who knows our future, your future, and especially the little baby that he wants to give to ya'll and us. Just know we love ya'll and are praying, praying! GOD will make a way!
    love ya'll so very much,
    Mom and Dad

  2. Hey! I just came across your blog from where you posted it on our IAG yahoo group. I have been enjoying reading through your posts this morning! It's exciting to see what God has been doing in your family throughout this adoption process so far. My husband and I are just about a month or two behind you in the process. We have about half of our documents gathered for our dossier, and then we'll be sending it on too! I look forward to following along with you in the process. :) This blog post describes my sentiments exactly...I know just what you mean about lying awake at night, just wondering if your baby is born yet, if he's being taken care of, if he still has yet to experience the heart-wrenching separation from his birth family...Yes, I know how you are feeling. Well, I just wanted to say "hello!" :)

    Emiley (